Unbearable joy, profound loneliness and sadness.  Liberation!  Wild energy and self reflection.  Some short poems giving a window into what it was like to be a young monk in a Japanese Zen Monastery.

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bitter cold

    winter full moon

still erupts my heart

—

what a relief

this state of mind

     even suffering is forgiven

—

long walk to town

    nothing to grasp

karma like a chronic smirk

—

  my heart is pierced

the light so vibrant

solitary  and sublime

—

it pushes comets across the sky

      this fragrance

   connecting my heart and belly

—

this life

what to do?

   The Sun and the moon

shattering my pelvis

—

what is going on?

my body

  responding to the infinite?

—

  Preparing to put on a robe

  all I ever wanted

  was to be normal

destiny called to me

  slowly I am overthrown

—

  destiny

  my heart burning

  what is this life?

faith faith faith

—

all of these tests

  dharma relentless teacher

—

so thankful for this training

  robe of wild indigo

—

lights off,

in the moonlight

  I can see everything

—

   monk, lonely monk

I don’t feel mine is a life to shine

—

this state of mind

this light

no one to share it with

no one to meld

in this

—

This lonesome old temple

first plum blossom

  candle and Ryokan*

ordination in two months

  how can I ever explain this love?

*Ryokan Taigu (1758 -1831) was a beloved eccentric poet and Soto  Zen Master

—

  beaten down

           pummeled

          grace

—

Mu: bring everything into oneness

walking by the pond

my body feels

the pond as me

—

sword of prajna, floating on

the dragon’s breath

in the azure sky

—

Sitting by the bell

and the patriarchs reveal themselves

there we sit,

the universe an unfolding vacuum

and my mind weeps love

—

this honesty

  can the world take it?

this unchanging

amidst the changing

—

Bucket shatters

you don’t know nothing

moon and me

-what joy!

(Kensho poem)

—

twenty seven

what will become of me?

the eternal lamp

but will I be enough?

—

Dharma, a name

truth bends to me

through this heavy moon

—

love and loss

sometimes too much to bear

    This evening warm Spring wind

my mind forgets all cares

—

what does it mean?

this loss and suffering?

the lessons of the universe

relentless, and yet, this spring evening

sure is humming

—

walking along

and then

what is it? That which is constant in this

changing world

And the mind unwinds as the patriarchs

whisper the answer

—

Ordination

   because that is not enough

—

Hanshan*

  candlelight

   time and space beyond me

—

          *Han Shan was a Wild Chinese Hermit of the Tang Dynasty beloved by Chan and Taoist practitioners

—

Roshi away

time to play

  but this old Japanese temple

        and no lover to become one with

—

Freedom

   my belly

 and the waves grow light through my skull

—

Full moon

  Spring is here

  My heart leaves no escape

—

Missing my mounatins

Sake and Ryokan

What freedom is this life!

—

Destiny

    who will see it

these days,  as always,

    I am lonesome to talk with someone wise

—

I have no desire

  for control

  wave upon wave pummels me in ecstasy

—

I’ll let all of you cool guys

  be good at this life

     I am broken leaves

pummeled ten times a day

—

Awakened mind

I receive

  and accept

—

Heaven and earth

  unfold beneath your feet

  please know this

  joy of true freedom

—

you must be so honest

you must be so curious

you must be so courageous

  and you must make a choice

  to die or realize it

—

out in the open

exposed and unguarded

not asking permission

shining in broad daylight

behold the roar of the common dandelion

—

Do not be afraid